Tag Archives: links to other bloggers

Adventures in food storage

Posted on by

You guys remember a few months back I posted about a guy who was crackin’ open some decades-old Mountain House and having himself a little taste test experience? Well, he’s at it again.

He’s got himself one of those buckets that claims to have X amount of days worth of food in it. Read it at his place…….

I’ve been ‘into’ food storage for twenty five years….and I’ve done tons of research on the subject, bought and tried all sortsa food, and created darn near Montana’s largest privately owned Safeway in my basement…..so I feel fairly qualified to say that this will end badly.

Here’s the thing: these types of kits are usually calorie-deficient, somewhat monotonous, and often not terribly appetizing. It is (in my opinion) a panacea to people who want to be prepared but don’t want to have a lifestyle – theyre for someone who just wants to make a quick online purchase, stuff it in the garage, and feel like they’re ready for the crash.

A guy I know was just telling me that he was thinking about purchasing such a kit ‘just in case’. I’m trying to steer him towards a more practical, albeit more expensive, route using regular off-the-shelf stuff from the supermarket.

You know who has this figured out? The Mormons. (No surprise, right?) These guys literally have graduate-level research labs working on just this sort of thing. And having done the research, they actually package and make available these storage-suitable foods. Go read their list of what you can get from them.  And they sell it cheap enough that even the most niggardly ‘poverty prepper’ can afford it.

I have a lot of freeze dried Mountain House here for my future needs. But it’s not my primary ‘go-to’ food in a crisis. What is? My stash of ‘everyday’ food. The pasta, rice, canned tomatoes, spices, cooking oil, canned and frozen meat, flour, cornmeal, canned and jarred vegetables, oatmeal, hash browns, etc. that I have in large quantity. All things I use everyday and all  things that store well.

But, to be fair, a ‘bucket’ as mentioned at the opening of this post, makes it’s strength on the portability and convenience. In theory, you can run out the door with it and know you’re not gonna starve for a month. Perhaps. I’ve taken it a step further and just put together my own ‘bucket’ for those moments when you need to run out the door…specifically, a couple 15-gallon ‘blue barrels’ loaded with freeze drieds.

Reviewing what I have in storage, post-apocalyptic meal planning would look something like this: pancakes, hash browns, scrambled eggs, biscuits, pork chops, strawberries, orange drink, milk, and oatmeal. And thats just breakfast. Lunch and dinner would be equally as broad, equally as long-term, and equally as tasty.

Just write a list of everything you’ve eaten in the last week and figure out if you could recreate it using foods that store well in the long-term. Then go buy those foods. Then when the wheels fly off civilization you’ll be eating pretty much just as well as you were beforehand. Heck, considering the erratic and horrible diet I live on now, I’ll actually eat better after the apocalypse.

My long winded point, though, is this – before you get lured into these sorts of ‘bucket kits’ do some research on calories, taste, and texture, and then see if you can’t put together something on your own. When the apocalypse hits, I have no intention of eating 3/4 of a cup of cheesey broccoli soup every lunchtime for thirty days. Given the stress and physical strain that the end of the world will put you under, I think you’re going to want more ‘stick to your ribs’ fare.

Conclusion: ‘Food buckets’, like first-aid kits, are better for your needs when you assemble your own.

 

The paper chase

Posted on by

Toilet humour is always good for a blog post. Today’s episode comes from Friend Of The Blog ™, Tam, over at View From The Porch where she recounts an episode of what happens when natures call is delayed by overpackaged designer toilet paper.

Here’s the money shot: “Just before I had to declare an emergency and kiss my socks goodbye…..”

Hysterical.

RTWT.

Meanwhile, everyone knows that women go through toilet paper like Germans through Poland. It’s exponential. Two women do not use twice as much TP as one. There’s a logarithmic (bodily) function somewhere in there.

I bring it up because toilet paper is one of those semi-serious things we survivalists rally around. Right after ‘who has the most guns’ and ‘how much ammo is enough’ comes the ‘how much toilet paper do you store’. I have the space to store a goodly amount, so I keep about 200 rolls on hand. That should cover me for a good while unless I develop a sudden interest in Mexican food or drink a Giardia cocktail.

Toilet paper is one of those things that is usually briefly touched on in survivalist fiction but almost never addressed in movies or TV. I’ve seen exactly one toilet paper reference in eight years of The Walking Dead. (Specifically, the episode where Bob The Alkie is introduced. He’s sitting on top of a truck trailer with a roll of TP sitting next to him. The implication being that he took a dump on the undead below him.)

Like .22 ammo, there’s just really no just-as-ggod-as substitutes. Leaves, phonebooks, small furry animals, paper towels, and anything else semi-disposable just don’t seem to do the trick.

I suppose you could go the way of the Third Worlders and make sure to use one specific hand for eating and the other for…….. but I didnt make these efforts and sacrifices so I can live like a Third Worlder.

My experience has been that toilet paper has only three natural enemies – women, mice, and moisture. Storing it in a waterproof container handles the moisture, storing it off the ground usually keeps themice from nesting in it, and buying the discount brands usually keeps the Gyno-Americans out of it.For travel, whether planned or unplanned, the usual thing is to just grab a roll, squash it flat, and shove it in a ziploc bag. That has a certain utilitarian quality is simple and effective. Turns out there are special ‘travel packs’ of toilet paper and you really can’t underestimate their utility. I usually just throw a couple of those pocket packs of Kleenex in my bag and use those if necessary…its convenient, cheap, multipurpose, and available.

Back in the old days, MRE’s used to give you actual toilet paper and it was worth saving the extras from your MRE pack for later use since it was packaged pretty well. Modern MRE’s give you these little blue individual squares that I cannot fathom were ordered by anyone who has ever had to take a dump out in the field.

Moral of the story? Well, first off, toilet paper is cheap and a definite nice-to-have… dont put a dozen rolls in the hallway closet and think you’re done. Go to CostCo and get a couple of the big 30-packs. Second, keep a half dozen in the bathroom. Without getting too..rude…go sit yourself on the toilet and figure out what your maximum reach is from there. Keep the a half dozen rolls within that reach. No brainer. And, finally, if you’re going through any crisis that requires you to whittle down your stock of end-of-the-world TP you’re also in a crisis where personal hygiene just took a boost in importance – so make damn sure to wash your hands and use hand sanitizer afterwards. Your stash of TP goes a lot further when you don’t have to deal with cholera and dysentery.