Im on the road again. The more I travel, especially in an easterly direction, the more I am made uneasy. Wandering through airports, killing time, I can’t help but feel at a tremendous disadvantage…completely unarmed, a carry on of clothes, a few bucks in my pocket….that’s not a lot to get me through a crisis if something unpleasant happens. Not necessarily something ‘Die Hard 2’-ish (that was the airport one, right?), but rather a having-to-sleep-on-the-floor-at-the-airport episode. In situations like that, the ultimate survival kit is simply a pocket full of cash and credit cards…sadly, those sorts of resources are always scarce.
And then there’s the grepos at the TSA security theater. Some high school dropout, given a blue shirt and a pretty badge, can validate his existence by stripsearching grandmothers and seizing toenail scissors. I have a long-standing hatred for the TSA that goes back almost to it’s founding, and in the intervening years they have done nothing to diminish the sentiment. When the revolution gets here, among the first groups put up against the wall, will be the brigade of blue-gloved scrotum-grabbers.
Anyway, I’m traveling for a few days and will be back to somehwat regular posting around the middle of next week. Assuming I can keep my temper in check next time some idiot in a blue shirt asks me to take my belt off.
Flying in the 21st century really is awful. Sometimes it’s hard to recall that last millennium it was kinda fun. My kids will never know about that.
Yes sir gone are the days when kids get to go to the cockpit unless they have a portable battering ram that is.
For those of you keeping score, the TSA has caught exactly zero (0) terrorists and people can still board aircraft without an ID or a boarding pass.
Most of my extra travel bits of gear revolve around comfort and entertainment. You are at the mercy of TSA rules that keep out the good survival gear. Nonetheless, I keep the stoutest pair of small scissors allowed, some matches in a plastic bag, a roll of electric tape, metal water bottle, rain jacket, etc so that I have some basic MacGyver supplies with me. Gives me comfort and has come in handy for some non-desperate work arounds.
Happy trails!
I’ve never had a tactical pen confiscated.
TSA bans butane lighters, but Zippos full of fuel is OK. And they don’t know what a ferocerium rod is.
Do you submit to the TSA body scanners or opt out?
If you pony up the dough for TSA pre-check, they’ll allow you to walk through a metal detector instead, like a civilized human. You can also leave your shoes on and keep your electronics and liquids in your bags. Almost like we’re back in the year 2000! I’d highly recommend it if you plan to fly more than a few times a year.
Commander, I understand your pain. I remember my first (and last) encounter with the TSA five years ago. Add to the TSA goons, the gang at US Customs and their bag full of attitude, that trip left an extremely bad taste. After we got home I swore that I’ll never visit the US of A ever again.
Don’t get me wrong, being retired I like to travel. On average, I manage to take at least one trip annually. The treatment I’ve experienced by the screeners in Canada, Iceland, France and Germany is radically different from what I went through with the TSA.
European countries have an approach to airline security that is basically the same as we had here in the US 20 years ago. I agree with you that it’s a much more pleasant and reasonable experience.
Strangest TSA experience was in Wisconsin…they had a cheese store in airport prior to screening point…I needed to buy a thank you gift for someone and I figured WI cheese was a good idea…when I went through security the cheese set everyone in a panic…”we need a cheese check here!” was called out and all these TSA goons swoop in on the block of cheese I bought…wiping and xraying…you would think they hadn’t seen cheese before…it probably has a similar mass to plastic explosives…
You ever see a bad cheese fire, man? Lemme tell you – it’s fugly. Very, very dangerous.
I packed a 25 pound canvas sack of lead birdshot in my carryon because I didnt want to pay for a checked bag. Holy cow, the uproar that created was like I packed a live cobra. X-ray guy just about falls out of his chair with a case of The Vapors, yells for help and screams “whose bag is this?!” Apparently since he couldnt see through the mass of lead he assumed it was a deadly threat. No one could understand what it was when I tried to explain. (Well, it was NYC after all.) Ended up having to check it anyhow and nearly missed the flight. Idjits.
In the years after 9/11 I had to fly domestically quite a bit for my job. Like you, I grew to hate it because of all of the BS “safety” procedures that made flying commercially a real pain. When I got another job later that decade I told them during the interview sessions that I refused to fly any more, and if that cost me the position then so be it. (The company has multiple sites around that world that needed support.) Fortunately I had a specialized skill set that made me a rather rare commodity so I got the job anyway and they had other engineers do the traveling while I provided support via WebEx and other remote methods.
Here’s a four minute comedy sketch by Key and Peele about the mighty TSA that you might enjoy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHfiMoJUDVQ
https://www.tsa.gov/travel/security-screening/whatcanibring/all
Current “what is allowed” restrictions from their website. Notice in small print and equally small red triangle the final decision on whether something can go through is on the TSA officer. There always has to be that damned catch all phrase for any .gov pricks to fall back on.
Stay away from Frankfurt. The security there are whole other level of authority gone wrong and stupid all mixed together. I’ve just about lost my shit there a few times and I don’t suppose that would end well although if I got banned from Germany I might get routed through a better airport.
I get to do the TSA thing at ATL next month on my way to HNL. I get around most of the crappy stuff by showing up at 3 AM for a 7:30 departure. Pretty laid back at that hour and scoot on through. The return is oddly not bad at all even though I’ve got to get to Honolulu Int at mid morning. The lines there go pretty quick and I never seem to get require “extra attention” from the screeners. Fingers crossed to continue.
Regards
As an LMI who flies 175-200 flights a year, I find it perplexing that I’ve never had an issue with TSA. Not once.
Not for lack of trying though….checking guns, flying with interesting items, and wearing strange things (like a F**k DHS shirt).
Only ever had one issue with airport security and it was in Chicago. Flying in uniform with a copy of my orders and identification. Everyone at every other airport waved me through. A bitter pregnant black gal decided she wasn’t having that. Boots and belt off. In with all the other cattle.
Old travel hack. Wear some sports themed apparel from the local team. Atlanta Airport = Braves or Falcons, Dallas = Cowboys, etc. Amazing how it seems to lower their assholery. Did it crossing the border into Canada with a Flames hat, the Canuck border nazis treated me like a long lost friend!