Originally published at Notes from the bunker…. You can comment here or there.
Middle of the night, you wake up to the sound of police sirens, the occasional gun shot and the sound of flesh being gnawed upon. You get out bed, buck naked, and peer out the window. A quick look out the window shows that, indeed, the zombie apocalypse has begun. No problem, you think to yourself. You’ve read all the books, you’ve beaten the topic to death on all the forums, you’ve read all the blogs…you’re as prepared as they come. Your Glock is sitting on the nightstand, your AK is in the safe, theres mountains of food in the pantry, you’ve got the latest and greatest web gear…this’ll be a breeze. Speaking of breeze, better get dressed…you reach into you’re dresser and…
Well, dammit, what is the best underwear for TEOTWAWKI?
Men’s underwear comes in three different flavors: briefs, boxers, and the hybrid boxer brief.
Briefs are the y-front underwear that you usually start wearing when youre four years old and if no one ever sets you straight you continue to wear that same style into adulthood. Its functional and hysterically dumb looking on an adult. It looks like a diaper.
Boxers are loose fitting shorts. They’re comfortable, can double as outerwear in some situations and chicks dig them. They tend to bunch up and sometimes pull/twist at unfortunate angles.
Boxer briefs are a hybrid. They look like biker shorts. They don’t bunch up, they keep your junk from swinging around, and they can be pretty flattering.
Which one should you wear when the zombie hordes are on the move?
This is all personal pref, but Im leaning towards boxer briefs. Heres why… First, they are usually comfortable, they don’t bunch up when you pull your pants up like boxers do, they’re tight enough to keep things in place, and they offer a bit more leg protection. They’re a bit more streamlined than boxers, making getting dressed a bit easier.
Boxers are a close second…their big draw is that they’re comfortable and can double as outerwear if you have to.
For wet environs, the boxerbriefs have an advantage, IMHO. They don’t bind up like the loose materials of boxers, thus allowing a bit of room for your stuff to breathe. Naturally, some folks will chime in that in the wet environs you’re better off with no underwear. Perhaps, but I think the boxer briefs are a good choice nonetheless.
There’s also a fringe element that says to eliminate the underwear issue altogether and wear a kilt. Now, Im first to admit that there are times a kilt has some advantages…plenty of room in the crotch, keeps things cool in the summer, etc. The drawback is absolutely zero protection for the family jewels. Ticks, black flies, mosquitoes, bees, whatever get fast access to sensitive parts of the anatomy. On a day hike or somesuch, maybe the kilt is a good choice. Outrunning hordes of mutant cannibals? Comfortable pants with lotsa crotch room and a good pair of underwear please.
It goes without saying, cotton is the number one choice of material. It breathes, its absorbent, you can hand wash it and its comfy. I usually go with neutral or dark colors. No point waving around a white flag everytime you open your pants to take a whiz. Also, cotton has the advantage of being microwavable (assuming you have electricity) to kill germs and bacteria. Synthetic fabrics simply melt. Good to know if you wind up getting caught in a fire…melted synthetics on Mr Happy will definitely ruin your day. Hanging your cotton underwear on a line in the sunlight will also kill nasties through ultraviolet action.
Im not even going to begin to pretend to have some sort of informed opinion on what underwear chicks should wear when the revolution starts. In my perfect world, it would all be tiny g-strings with enormously tall high heels and barely-there tank tops. In reality, theyd probably be better off with boxerbrief type undergarments as well. Unfortunately.
It had to be this topic
That I can contribute…sigh. OK, you can’t always be a hero, but you can always be a man.
So:
The job description is as follows: you will chase, on foot, fugitives through any and all terrain, in any and all weather. Walking, running, fast as hell.
You will use dogs, you will do it without dogs. Weather is going to be any type of climate, so deal with it. Time frame is 5 minutes to several days.
Being in a southeastern state, assume high humidity, and lots and lots of water to fall/swim in. You will wear OD military style trousers, Danner boots, T-shirt and body armor, well marked with agency logo. Radio, ammo, Glock .40, as many mags as you feel the need, long gun if things feel funny.
Now, after all that, the underwear most worn by the dudes who did/do this are the synthetic long (boxer) briefs. I tried underarmor ($$)and a couple other big name brands ($$ as well), and I have to say the winner was…some Walmart brand. let me go look it up…OK, it’s called Life.
MUCH cheaper (like75% cheaper), No rash, lightweight, but enough support to keep in place what needs to not get caught in a twister when climbing a fence. Works good for PT, all kinds of reasonable colors (and some unreasonable as well LOL).
The big point is no rash. A wet underwear rash when you have walked a dozen miles sucks when you got to walk a dozen more.
All this is predicated on being able to clean up after a couple of days.
You could melt ’em, sure, but you could also throw them in a bucket of really hot water and know they won’t shrink.
Sled238
Please- ask a question about something manly so I may regain some pride LOL
am perferable
to BVD’s because they hurt less than boxer shorts when somebody gives you a “wedgee” from behind. as for women, be nice to see them in sheer clear plastic BDU’s. would stun even dead zombies at a 100 yards. BVD’s do give those b#lls good support on long hikes.
meanwhile have fun as usual. Wildflower 08
Men’s underwear
This was about the stupidist post I have ever read. I normally enjoy your blog, but this one was a waste of everyones time.
Re: Men's underwear
Wow…imagine how utterly crushed I must be.
Re: Men’s underwear
I am willing to bet crazy money that “stupidest post’ anonymous has not walked double digit miles – or even climbed a chain link fence wearing a ruck and boots – in a long time, if ever.
When the Zero stops reviewing and critiquing EVERY aspect of his plans and equipment – no matter how humble that equipment be – it is the beginning of the end for him, for Murphy shall have his number.
Zero, maybe some nice soul will mail you some tissues and a quart of comfort ice cream LOL
Stay the course
Sled238
Re: Men's underwear
Awww…youre nice. Take a case of 9mm out of petty cash.
Re: Men’s underwear
amazing you can actually read. Wildflower 08
Re: Men's underwear
(said in a snobby, quasi-european vice):
My ammunition, like my malt liquor beverages, comes in .40’s .
….mah foty quotes I gots ta pay fuh thems…less you got DAT in petty cash!?
Speaking of forty ounces, have you ever gone for a good long run right after knocking back two 20 ounce pub pints of good beer?
Man, THAT is the way to go, I am tellin ya…don’t feel a thing.
I guess small items like underwear, socks, pocketknives, glasses, hats, water, air, etc. seem trivial, until you don’t have any.
Working on powerlines here in sunny Arizona, sometimes for 24hr straight stretches in 100 + degree heat, underwear can be very important. I got the heat wet underwear rash one time and it sucked big time.
Seem likes the annonymous poster will find that out sometime when his Mom stops buying him his spiderman panties.
wet underwear
a friend that works the line as you do, uses underwear from hikers supply stores that wick away moisture from the skin. at least you don’t have to work in the winter deep cold when power lines have to be replaces. he also modied his jacket with a pocket near the base of the neck to hold a frozen gell pack to work even more comfortably in the summer heat. hope you never “cross your wires”, cheers from Wildflower 08
Re: wet underwear
thats a really good idea, I’m going to try that this summer, thank you.
Re: It had to be this topic
Yep. Looks like Wal-Mart has these life boxer briefs with the “sculptured pouch”, and basic. If I’m gonna fight some zombies, it’s going to be with a sculptured pouch for the jewels.