I’ve always liked Mormons, although my encounters with them are, as far as I know, fairly infrequent. Three things I like about them:
1) They tend to stay out of other peoples business, moreso than most other religions. I’ve never read about Mormons blowing up gay bars, burning down abortion clinics or standing on street corners yelling about how Im going to hell for buying a copy of Playboy.
2) Young Mormon chicks are almost invariably hot.
3) They have a self-sufficiency ethic that really appeals to me. Between the we-take-care-of-our-own church welfare system, mandates to keep food and supplies, and the usually rightist politics I find myself feeling very comfortable around them.

Anyway…. Today I finally wrangled an invite to go to the local Mormon cannery. How it came about, though, seemed like something some folks might find interesting since I am sometimes asked “Hey, how do you meet fellow like-minded individuals without coming off like a whacko?”

Tell you a story…

My night job has me working with a few other people. New guy, lets call him ‘Awesome’, gets hired. Me and Awesome are chatting one day about where we grew up. He tells me he spent some time in [where I grew up]. I asked him what he was doing there and he says he did his stint as a missionary there. Ok, we’ve established he’s a Mormon. Being me, I tell him a few of my good Mormon jokes. (“What do you get when you cross a Mexican with a Mormon? A guy with a basement full of stolen food!”) We trade jokes and he tells me he’ll have to tell a few of those to “Mad Max”. Mad Max is a big, burly, bald, evil looking truck driver who’s a very nice and harmless guy. So..we’ve established that Mad Maxx is a Mormon. Time goes on and when I see Mad Max I say hello and we chat. Sometimes one of us will be reading the paper and we’ll comment on the absurdities in the world. Mad Max agrees with me on most of my comments on the political stuff in the paper and says all the right things…this or that is unconstitutional, the Democrats will raise taxes, people today just don’t want to work, government isn’t the answer to every problem, etc, etc. Hmmm…not bad. Politically on the same track as me and the other LMI. But…you can have similar political beliefs and belong to a religion that has preparedness among its values and still not be bunkerific, if ya know what I mean. So flash forward a few months. I say hi to Mad Max and chat when I see him. Lotsa good natured ribbing, jokes, how-was-your-weekend, that sort of thing. I was dropping off a copy of the Mountain House price list to an LMI who also works there with me and I thought this might be a good opportunity to see if Mad Max plays for the same league as me and the LMI.
“Hey Max, you do any backpacking or camping?”
”Ah, well then maybe you’d be interested in some of this stuff”, I say handing him the pricing information. “Good for hunting trips, camping, that sort of thing. Maybe keep a few in the truck.”
“Great! I could use a bunch of this stuff.” Hmmmm…but for what would he use it? Lets push and see what happens.
“Hey, you ever go to that Mormon cannery out near the airport?”
“Oh sure. As a matter of fact I need to go out there again. Basements starting to get a little empty. You know we’re supposed to keep stocked up on food.”
“Cool. These”, pointing to the price list,” should be right up your alley then.”
“Yup. I’ve got a couple friends who’d be be really interested too.”
“Is that cannery open to just church members or can anyone go? “
“Its open to anyone….”
“I’ve always wanted to go up to that cannery but I never knew anyone to go with.”
“Well you do now!” Big smile.
“Great! If you could give me a heads up next time you go I’d be really interested in going. Be happy to pay ‘em whatever they want or volunteer some time there or whatever. Hey, that order on the Mountain House stuff is going in on February first so if you or your buddies want anything get back to me before then. And, like I said, if youre going to be heading up to that cannery sometime I’d sure be interested in going.”
“Sure, I’ll let you know.”

So, in a slow and somewhat roundabout way, we’ve established that Mad Max is probably one of the LMI. Won’t know for sure for a while but in the meantime it looks like we could both be of some use to each other in our respective plans for preparedness.

Historically, I’ve met all of the LMI through either politics or guns. I discover that a person shares almost identical politics with me and has similar interests in firearms and the next thing you know I’m discovering that theyre keeping an eye on the way the wind is blowing.

Take Capt. Insano for example. I suspected but what tipped me off were the types of guns he owned and, more interestingly, the fact that every one of them was owned in pairs. As in “one is none, two is one”. From there its pretty easy to gradually turn the conversation to preparedness and – surprise – you discover your shooting buddy has a basement full of guns, ammo, food and fuel.

I should point out that having a healthy interest in guns isn’t an exclusive indicator. There are a lot of guys with an AK, a couple cases of ammo and a buncha MRE’s who say “Im prepared!”. And, as we know, theres a lot more to being prepared than cammies and Ka-Bars.

Anyway, I thought sharing my experience today with Mad Max might be interesting to some and answer that infrequent question “How do you meet these people?” Theyre out there and I’d bet that theres quite a few you already know who are so low-key you’d never guess they’re geared up and taking responsibility for their future safety.

13 thoughts on “Networking

  1. I dated a Mormon chick when I was at Ft. Benning. On the way back to post after our first date–she let’s me know she has something to tell me and precedes to flip out her gold Criminal Investigation Division badge which caused me to recall everything we talked about. A few days later I discovered that good Mormon girls don’t go ass up without marriage.

    We have a cannery in Clarksburg, WV, but they always do the “put you on hold and transfer” game when I call. I have no idea of how to access that. A Bishops Storehouse is what they’re called apparently.

  2. we’ve established that Mad Max is probably one of the LMI.

    A number of people with whom I go to church would meet the Mad Max criteria, but when I ask them what they’ll do when the government comes to confiscate their food storage in time of crisis, look at me as if I’ve just pissed in their TVP. They also make jokes about my “ammo storage.”

    I hope you’re right about Max. You can tell him you know me and I’m kind of an LMI if it would help. I don’t have total redundancy on everything yet, but I’m also under some pretty tight budget constraints.

  3. There isn’t always someone at the Bishop’s Storehouse to take the call, because it’s staffed by volunteers – many of whom may know how to pack up a welfare order or can beans but can’t figure out how to answer the phone, or can’t get to the office. Your best bet is to contact the local ward and find out who the cannery representative is, and suck up a little.

    A faithful Mormon girl probably won’t want to marry outside the Church, since the marriage then only lasts until “death do you part.” However, if you can live with the tenets of the religion, it’s a great life. My personal belief is that someday we’re going back to polygamy. 😉

  4. I’m OK with polygamy for the same reason I’m OK with gay rights-nobodies business that ‘ya do.

    I’m unfamiliar with LDS organization, so really don’t know who to call after being stonewalled by the Storehouse. Appreciate the info, I’ll apply when I get out of state. I imagine northern Virginia should have a well resourced Storehouse given the proximity to “the big Mormon church” (LDS Eastern Command) you can see off 495.

  5. I really wish there were some sore of ‘Supporting Membership’ or something. Y’know, you tithe, you do volunteer work, that sort of thing and in exchange you get all the networking and assistance from the church if things go south.

  6. Without the “no booze, no coffee, no extramarital sex” bit, you mean? The easiest way is to marry one, if you can find one that will marry a non-member (not all that hard), or get baptized and then be less-active.

    I am NOT advising this.

  7. Ah, Mormons. They do love a good racist joke.

    A lot of the Mormon chicks I’ve met are not-very-effectively closeted butch dykes or fat and homely. This is because my main contact with Mormons is with missionaries, and the only females who tend to go on missions are the ones with no marriage proposals. YMMV.

  8. 2) Young Mormon chicks are almost invariably hot.

    This is a universal truth. My wife and I have talked about this for years. Of all the Mormon chicks we know they are almost all hot or at the least good looking.

    The key is to hook up with them when they go to college, this is when they are going through their rebellious stage.

  9. RE: LDS LMI

    Good to know that you are getting the opportunity to visit the Cannery. While a local LMI, I do not make it out there enough. Building a House takes a little out of your usual schedules of stoking/storing/refreshing/inventory mode of things.

    On the bright side, my budget being shot, we have lived largely off eating much of our food storage for the whole year, and therefore will have to get to the cannery to re-supply.

    Your idea of a “supporting membership” is great! Too funny! Unfortunately, that is what about half the current LDS membership does! The unfortunate part is that they don’t even buy into/take advantage of the Food storage/preparedness part of the Mormon culture! As I see it, you’d already make a dang good member, but then again, I ain’t never been a missionary.

  10. Networking and LMI

    Ah, a topic I think about damn near every day. LMIs in real life seem to be few and far between for me. The best one I’ve ever met I relocated 2 states away for and married. After her, there are some close but no cigar.
    Just last weekend we were out to dinner with a couple that we’ve been friends with for several years. They belong to the same gun club we do, and we often go shooting or to dinner together. Hubby used to be active in an IDPA type league, and trains extensively in various martial arts. Wife is a former olympic level rifle shooter and a nurse. They share our politics to a T. Not sure about what kinda stores they may or may not have, but then I don’t share that info either. Anyway…. during dinner conversation it turns out hubby just spent $100+ on “male cosmetics”. Moisturizers, lotions, creams, crap like that. Now, like us they may not be poor, but they aren’t rolling in dough either. I didn’t mean to be offensive but the first words out of my mouth were along the lines of “Dude, thats gay! You could have bought a case of food or ammo for that much money”. In any case, any guy who buys himself wrinkle cream instead of preparation supplies I can probably cross off the potential LMI list.
    We are friends with another couple. from a SHTF perspective they seem almost perfect, except they are anti-gun liberals. Surprising since they are fiercely independent old fashioned New Englanders, and he’s also a Vietnam vet. They grow, preserve, build, repair or at least barter just about everything. Drop either of them off in the middle of the woods with nothing more then the clothes and supplies they carry on them and I have no doubt they will survive and thrive. As long as we keep firearms and politics out of the discussion we get along great. I’d like to think in a real SHTF situation they would change their thinking faster then most and be useful.
    There are others, but none other then my wife fall into what most of us would term LMI.
    I do try to fish around without totally blowing OPSEC. You know, like leaving a gun catalog or a copy of Backwoods Home magazine around. Maybe mentioning the jerky and dehydrated fruit in my lunch is home-made, or the great sale on canned goods this week at the local supermarket.
    So far not a nibble.

  11. at least

    you are not another unprepared morron depending on fema to rescue you. stay prepared, Wildflower 07

  12. LMI’s of a sort

    Meeting LMI’s has been difficult, and even our families aren’t completely aware of what we are doing. This past Christmas we got some odd looks when we mentioned that we were headed to the range over the break, my sister-in-law was somewhat horrified when she learned that my wife shoots and has her own handgun. Seeing the look on her face I decided not to mention that not only does she own a gun, she was carrying it with her in a specially modified purse.

    The closest thing to LMI’s we have met is a couple from South Africa, and they seem to have things together, although they don’t feel like their preparations are unusual like most modern-day Americans do. They are prepared but they take it as a matter of course rather than the clandestine approach. They openly stock food, their property is far more secure than it appears to the casual onlooker, and the four German Shepherds that patrol the fenceline are not just pets. Maybe it was being the minority white Europeans in a collapsing South Africa that taught them precautions are prudent. Either way they are cool people and we obviously share similar outlooks, even if they are rooted in vastly different circumstances.


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