The nice thing about emails and blogs is that other people remember stuff for me so I don’t have to. For example, today is my wedding anniversary. It’s been four years, although some days it seems longer…. Getting married was mostly remarkable because in the space of a few hours I turned my entire supply of food, guns and ammo into 50% of what they were…a years supply for one suddenly becomes a six-month supply for two, etc, etc.
Having never been married before, I heard that weddings were a nightmare, the bride turns into bridezilla, etc, etc. Well, I figured if I’m gonna be part of this, I should get to have some fun. So..we had some fairly unconventional stuff. First lets start off with the invites. This was the logo used on the invites:
The little wedding favors at the tables were also a bit different from your normal ones:
We encouraged the guests to come armed, and many did. Since there was a preponderance of firepower, it was a non-booze wedding. The mayor, who used to do stand-up comedy before getting elected, did the ceremony. And, never ones to miss an opportunity to stand around and eat free food, several of the girlfriend-now-wife’s co-workers showed up. Official wedding photographer Oleg Volk (yes, that Oleg Volk was our photographer. We just happen to know the right people) even pulled a couple of them into posing with the bride.
More gunplay ensued when one of our guests brought along his 1/3 scale Revolutionary War cannon and fired a salute outside the hall. (I don’t recall exactly, but I believe the facilities manager was a little surprised by our asking about if we could fire off a cannon on his grounds.)
Other highlights included me and the best man getting fitted for tuxes while wearing shoulder holsters (of course I was wore a gun at the wedding. Who wouldn’t?), cutting the cake with a 1917 Enfield bayonet, and the day-after-the-wedding trip to the shooting range with all the wedding guests. How many weddings have you been to that included a range day?
Did getting married do anything good or bad to the preparedness model? Well, as I said, everything gets reduced by 50%. Thats a tough one to deal with. But, on the other hand, she brings some unique and handy skills to the table. (Most notably, an ‘in’ with the local police…which can, and has, come in handy). Before we got married I made it pretty clear that I was into the preparedness thing and that I had no plans of changing that, and that she was welcome to participate, but that from time to time it might create some weirdness that she’s just going to have to put up with. What kind of weirdness? Ah, things like coming home and finding cases of MRE’s and freeze drieds stacked to the ceiling in the dining room and me excitedly saying “Hey, guess what UPS dropped off!”, observing the ‘First Rule Of Fight Club’ with her coworkers, discovering that grocery shopping trips can ger really interesting if something cool and long-term-storable is on sale, etc, etc. But she’s been quite good about that.
For those of you who arent married and are thinking about it, make sure to tell the girlfriend up front about your secret life as Burt Gummer. After you’re married, when she demands that you drop several hundred dollars on something useless like new curtains because ‘we already have a basement full of that junk of yours that you never use’, it’ll be too late to explain that this is how it’s going to be. Personally, I think that in my case I’m pretty benign…I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t buy expensive toys like trucks or jet skis or big screen televisions, I’m not crazy with money, I don’t have really weird friends who constantly come by, or have equally bizzare relatives always dropping in. From a relationship standpoint, pretty much my only quirk is the preparedness thing and, hey, what chick doesn’t like the idea of being well taken care of?
So, today we’ll head over to the wedding venue and take our annual anniversary picture there and then go out to dinner. Next year will be the five year anniversary so maybe we’ll have to do something special then.